before i have to move from Jakarta

everyone is looking for the best and try to be the best. but without love, all that was just sheer ambition.
* jee-jessh

02 January 2010

read this, EJL !

if you wanna know all of these, i will explain them to you. so you can understand how hurt he has, and how lucky you are.

[him is a.h]

for the first time i met him, he was my best friend ever. he was himself. never tried to be somebody else. that was why i was interested. for one year, i just still liked him as friend, as my best. for sure, i didn't know why but he was too different with others. maybe that was why i loved him too.
finally he did that lovely thing to me. he wanted me. he said he loved me. we're together for one year and 3 days as you've already known,right?
and on that long relationship, he never got mad with me. never! because of what? because he loved me SO much, i mean TOO much, i thought it wasn't called SO but TOO. he never hurt me. but what i did? i wanted to see, could he got mad to me if i played with other boy? then you've known the answer too. he left me. alone. he hurt by me. how stupid i was.

for sure..
after that thing past, i was still loving him. i tried to get him again, but what i got; i got all bad words. he was TOO dissapointed to me. but he still said he loved me. on that time, you wanted him, right? you waited for his love. but he became such a playboy. i told him, i wouldn't try to get him back to me again but PLEASE stopped being a playboy. he did it. then he tried to love you. he tried and tried and FINALLY, he was totally loving you. and who i am for him? past thing! he didn't care for me, even for a little thing in me. on that time, i was a playgirl, cause i was on sadness. i didn't know what i supposed to be. i walked alone. and nobody care.

while i was still just loving..
suddenly on one night, he called me.he cried. i missed his voice a lot. but i didn't wanna hear that cried voice. he told me everything he got. you left him. as a trash. without any worthed reasons i thought. i didn't know what i must to do. i just told him to calm down. and breathed.
he said he loved you so much. he wanted you. ain't no other girls. when i heard that, i hurt by those sentences. hurt me much! i was still loving him but all he wanna did was you.

i walked alone again..
until we went to the second grade. i was still loving. still hoped. still thought that someday i'll have a chance to get my happiness again with him. but it was still a dream. i was a big dreamer. even when i was in hospital and did the operation, he never sent me a message or gave some attentions. no way. there's not. it was hurt (again)!
from that on, i stopped anything. no hoped, no cried, no more tears for him. i dreamed (again) for my own happiness.

when i got that hope..
one year left, we were on third grade. i was shocked. i was in the same class with him. i put my own principle "HE IS JUST FRIEND!". yeaa! but that was just sentence and my heart said different. i was still loving. and i was shocked (again), he wanted to make a good relation as a FRIEND with me. i felt like when first time we met. just friend. but i liked it. when my hope began so big, i heard you wanted him (again). i felt hopeless. i became a stupid looser. for what? for your happiness. i gave you MY HAPPINESS, yo! then you was in loved with him. how lucky you are..

why did i want you to be one of crew in vianney cup? because i wanted to see his smile everyday. i knew, his smile meant you. YOU. no others. i smiled and laughed with you both, but you never knew what my heart was, cried and hurt TOO much. even when i've already had boyfriend. i was still loving him for sure..

when i had my seventeen bday, he gave me no sentence. just saw me, and smiled at me. i told you that time. remember?
and it hurt me (again). but you saw what i did, right? i was still smiling for everyone even my heart shouted and cried.

and once again i heard, you left him alone. with (those) reasons.. yours is different with mine. i left my ex because he was too perfect but he's known that at first time i accepted him, i've just tried and i failed. because i was still couldn't forget him. but YOU, you wanted him at first, and then you said you felt ilfeel? sorry, i was angry too when i heard that one.

and plus one thing, how can you move on your heart too fast to your another ex? you know what, you hurt him TOO much. all he wanna did was you, all he wanna do is you, all he will wanna get is you, your love. you are his everything.

so, get it..

just thinking girl, HOW LUCKY YOU ARE when YOU GOT HIM !

(maybe you never know it or you never wanna know it)

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