before i have to move from Jakarta

everyone is looking for the best and try to be the best. but without love, all that was just sheer ambition.
* jee-jessh

25 May 2010

i read lorriane's blog then finally hear "don't look back" song on her audio box.
i cry. don't know why but it touched my heart so well. i was so mellow i thought.

You go full speed ahead now
While these walls
Freeze me back in time

-Adhitia Sofyan
and this is 2.a.m..

again and again. my best friends make me smile on this hard day.
yes, i'm not alone.

they are here. beside me. cheer me up. give a new spirit.

on question;
if i already move to bandung, will i have many best friends like them?

i hope it will be"yes" :')

FRIENDSHIP





trus friendship is when i was being a part of them. they are my everything.

mantan terindah - kahitna

mengapa engkau waktu itu
putuskan cintaku
dan saat ini engkau selalu ingin bertemu
dan memulai jalin cinta

reff:
mau dikatakan apa lagi
kita tak akan pernah satu
engkau di sana, aku di sini
mesti hatiku memilihmu

andai aku bisa
ingin aku memelukmu lagi
di hati ini hanya engkau mantan terindah
yang selalu ku rindukan

repeat reff

engkau meminta padaku
untuk mengatakan bila ku berubah
jangan pernah kau ragukan
engkau kan selalu di langkahku

repeat reff

engkau di sini, aku di sini
mesti hatiku memilihmu

yang tlah kau buat
sungguhlah indah
buat diriku susah lupa

03 May 2010

continuous ~

abis gue nangis gara-gara mellow bbm-an sama maha guru. grandpa malah nanya jadi ga dinner sama si maha guru? DOH! perfect time deh. gue jawab ga jadi, grandpa malah jadi curiga gitu kenapa ga jadinya. emang salah gue juga sih uda terlalu menggebu-gebu sebelumnya. ckck.

pasrah deh sekarang. pengen tapi yaa jarak uda makin jauh gini. kalo emang harusnya ga usah ya mending ga usah kali yah. biar gue biasa juga kali ga ada maha guru :)

tapi kangennnn si lucu banget banget! uh! :(

d i l e m a ~

prefer bandung prefer ordinary gsm

again and again

lagi-lagi gue nge-post blog yang ga banget :'(

ngerasa super duper down dan nangis! again and again. padahal uda tahan banting dalam waktu lama, tp tadi akhirnya nyerah juga deh. really really can't be a strong girl (indeed) :(
maha guru,kalo anda baca post ini. ya ini karna ANDA!

finally, kangen gue sama si maha guru sii bisa terungkapkan hari ini. bisa bbm-an juga :)
tapi ya gitu lah ujung"nya haruss deh ada perdebatan. gue sih ga marah, kesel juga enggak. cuma ngerasa sakit aja. gue emang uda bisa terima sih ciri orang yang blak"an kya si maha guru, yang klo ngomong ga pernah mikirin org yang lagi diajak ngomong ngerasa apa. fineeee lah. uda biasa ;)

yang ternyata selama ini banyak banget salah paham bertubi-tubi. maha guru fokus dengan apa yang dia pikir "benar" dan gue juga still gengsi buat jelasin ini itu gara-gara males berdebat. tapi i know sih ini uda jalannya. dia uda ga mau peduli lagi kan ternyata. thank you then :)

gue ga bakal pernah bisa lupain semuanya yang terjadi disini. i have a boyfriend-it doesn't mean i don't love everyone else (maha guru camkan ini baikbaik) !
kalo maha guru lupa sama gue baru mungkin. secara beda banget deh dulu sama skarang. ckck. dan yang perlu maha guru tau yah, ga ada pengganti anda. ga ada sama sekali. gue juga di sini skrg ga pernah curhat sama siapa-siapa kya gue curhat sama maha guru. so, jangan ambil kesimpulan sendiri :))

DAN SEPERTINYA;
dengan sangat terpaksa, dinner yang uda gue tunggu-tunggu mendingan ga usah jadi aja. daripada nanti pas ketemu malah jadi kya orang lain. bikin gue kepikiran aja. tar gajadi seru. ga enak juga sama fam. harus mau mengalah deh gue nya :)

sudahlah, anyway, bye bye then maha guru. GOD bless you always ;)


*biggie hug and kiss for your lovely son <3

30 April 2010

maha guru

wow. bener-bener lama banget yah ga nge-blog disini. ya ampun.
dan ini pun terpaksa harus setia nulis di bb :(
ga ada yang istimewa buat di posting juga. selain status relationship baru :)
pengen deh seseorang baca blog ini. BENER-BENER BACA!

all people around (at least banyak deh ya), bilang gue berubah poll.
yeayea. so many problems came around two weeks. gede-gede lagi tu masalah. HEBOH. tapi gue nya cuek bebek. no more tears. useless things! *sombongg :p

kecewa banget sama maha guru yang ngajarin gue prinsip cuekbebek sama masalah ini. si maha guru yang sering nyalah-nyalahin gue ini itu dan tetep menjudge di saat gue nangis skarang malah lupa sama gue. *bledug! gubrak!
lupanya bener-bener ga pedulian. aisss. untung gue uda berubah, ga pake deh tuu mellow"an. :D

kangen sih gue sama maha guru :p
memandangi bb sama esia yang sepi aja deh. biasanya ga pernah absen tuu. nguiik*
sudah lahh. sudahh lupa masa mau dipaksakan. emangnya gue siapa juga :DD

thenn,
gue sekarang ketawa mulu tiap harii. bagus deh bisa awet muda. bobo ngalong mulu.jem 2 pagi baru bobo gara" conv sama tofu. gosipannya ga penting lagii makin hari. emang dasar kalong ajah :))

apaan sih nih nge-blog jadi curcol ga jelas deh. haha. ini juga permintaan levileaa aja makanya gue posting. kalo ga juga gatau deh mau posting apa :p
pengen banget nge-ping maha guru di bbm. tapi males dijawabin singkat". skalinya chat rada panjangan, gue kbanyakkan cerita, berujung gue kebanyakkan salahnya juga. dasar maha guru, skali-skali bilang gue bener napaa. ckck.

kangen gue sama maha guru. ama anaknya yang lucu juga kangen berat. tapi maha guru lagi nyebeli sih. gue jadian aja kaga di congrats. haha. teseraaaa deh yaa. upss! kata yang paling gue benci "terserah". tapi maha guru sering banget sengaja bikin gue nangis dengan kata itu. tapi skarang uda nggak lagi sih. biar anda liat yah maha guru, saya sudah tahan banting :D

posting selesai hari ini. leviii, gue uda nepatin janji gue. :p

22 April 2010

fake

*fake smile. again!

13 April 2010

over time

uh it's over 5 minutes. now it's time to sleep. sleepy enough.

the last quote :
*when GOD said "be a THING!", then on that time, nothing becomes something. just imagine how great He is :)

move to lappy for 5 minutes


huh. my sister's doing her assignments on this lappy so i just can use it for 5 minutes. huks!

just wanna share one picture of mine :)


it was real non edited picture of mine. i'm so in love with A&W's lighting. lol

another blog

i have another blog now. so i work with double blogs. haha.
loling so long if i imagine how different them both.
but yeaa i'm enjoying this kinda work. still write, still type, still googling and sometimes play with my own imagination. it's really fun!
i have my own world!
:D:D:D

i posted it on my bb

i can't wait to face tomorrow. yes tomorrow as the last day i went to school and studied there. last day wore a uniform. white-grey. wow! this is the time which i've been waiting for such long times from kindergarten :D
but honestly, i feel so sad. just by imagining how lonely i am soon, live alone in another city, and find other friends. leave all my fellas here, my family, my crazy cousins, my sisters, and all people whom i loved so much.
think of so many new things will happen in my life. my new story. hey, my NEW LIFE.
i'm asking for once : can I?
surely, it's not easy. not as easy as i ever imagined a year ago when i pushed my parents that i wanna move from jakarta. even they didn't want to prove it but i pushed and pushed and now hell yeah, less than 2 months, i'm not in here. byebye then :(
beside that, i'm still waiting for the result of my exams. hopefully i'll pass it! :)

I already did my best, now let God does the rest of it :)

12 April 2010

i've been blessed :)

bener-bener nggak disangka. yeaaa di dunia ini emang nggak ada yang kebetulan sih yah :)

las saturday, i was sick. so sick, sampe makanan ga ad yang bisa masuk. GAJE banget deh sakitnya. geez!
tapi, gue tetep dateng komsel paskib jem stenga 9 pagi di skolah. ngeramein doang sih awal tujuannya, uda janji juga sama ko". secara dia yang mau bawain :p

dateng-dateng pucet stenga mati. felt like better went home honestly, but i didn't give up till the end of that komsel :D
seru sih seru banget, ngebuka pikiran banget. ngubah mindset banget. jdi bener'' percaya klo Tuhan selalu ada buat gue kya apapun gue. wow! How great is our GOD :)

ngalamin mujizat yang luar biasa banget. gimana gue trus ngomong dan ngomong klo gue pasti sembuh pasti sembuh pasti sembuh daaaaann finally gue sembuh! gilaaa. ampe bisa makan dimsum yummy segala loh! :))

trus gue ikut persekutuan doa dan blajar gimana bener-bener mengimani hidup, man! how God makes this great life for me! gelaaaaaaaaaa! i've been blessed! :D

sorry

gilaaaaaaa! crazy things, ujian ujian ujian. and even until this time still UJIAN!! :((

sorry and thanks a lot for Lorriane Leo whom gave me blog's award :p
i'll reply it soon, okay! :)

gotchaa!

17 March 2010

LIVE HIGH - JASON MRAZ

I try to picture a girl
Through a looking glass
See her as a carbon atom
See her eyes and stare back at them
See that girl
As her own new world
Though a home is on the surface, she is still a universe

Glory God, oh God is peeking through the blinds
Are we all here standing naked
Taking guesses at the actual date and time
Oh my, justifying reasons why
Is an absolutely insane resolution to live by

Live high
Live mighty
Live righteously
Taking it easy
Live high, live mighty
Live righteously

Try to picture the man
To always have an open hand
See him as a giving tree
See him as matter
Matter fact he's not a beast
No not the devil either
Always a good deed doer
And it's laughter that we're making after all

The call of the wild is still an ordination why
And the order of the primates
All our politics are too late
Oh my, the congregation in my mind
Is this assembly singing gratitude
Practicing their loving for you

Just take it easy
And celebrate the malleable reality
Nothing is ever as it seems
This life is but a dream

14 March 2010

DATES which i've been waiting :

22nd of March 2010
> NATIONAL EXAMS on my HAND

26th of April 2010
> the RESULT of SHS moment

5th of July 2010
> hello BANDUNG, byebye JAKARTA

11 March 2010

thanks GOD ! :)

really really do love my Jesus!
i've been blessed! :)

when i saw all my good score on my last try out, really really happy. so much happy i mean! :D
thank you my Lord, thanks super duper! :)
useful thing which i've done was i read a bible and i cried with every sentences there. when God's given me lessons to live, to face my day, to be HIS real child. He said He will never leave me alone. once again thanks God, you set my spirit freee! x)

08 March 2010

why do biology lesson always make me feel so bad PERFECTLY ?

i'm sure for that one, boy!

i know i was wrong.
stupid mistake when i wanted you you and just only you in my life.
i was so blind that i've had so many people around me. they love me.
and you, hey boy whom i thought a person who has loved me too deep, in fact never felt it. never even just for once.
once in a lifetime i met someone like you. made me fall for you. daydreamed just to be with you.
stupidity, it called obsession! and the worst ; that was me! :(
and now when i'm surely leaving you, careless on you, never wanna hear about you, you brought me trough your world (again). i am still loving you (indeed). but sorry hey boy, i don't wanna fall for twice. it hurt me so much if it happens (again).
save your egoism and confident and standing your life with them, then you are broken with them.
if you think you're handsome, you're right boy! if you think you're smart, you're so right! but if you think you are loveable, i pity you too much! :D
i'm just walking in my perfect world right now, without you, without shadow of our past, and without every memories we've ever done.
i'm so happy now. feel free like a bird. i'm flying over the rainbow :))
am i saying too much? yes! just wanna show you how much i'm happy NOW!

~

04 March 2010

never felt happy like this before, it's wonderful!

02 March 2010

reality

when you held my hand, and placed the necklace to me, I know it will not be the same. ye shall be binding upon me and finally left me. thank you, thank you for the pain that you scratched me with your laughter. I've forgotten you. I have been stupid in love with you. really stupid. now let everything goes according to a predefined path. leave me alone. with no shadow of the past and no longer YOU :)
someone who is not committed will be destroyed because she had her own pride and no time to make herself look there again. sorry, she would not be considered

01 March 2010

maybe yes! :)

wuaaaaaaaaaaaa! wanna shout shout shout! when the spirit says shout shout shout! yeaaa shout!!

last few days, about 5 days ago, i felt so worst. worse than anything ever happened in my life.
felt so crazy with those things! what were those? here i was;

February, 24th 2010

hari MENYEDIHKAN which i called WORST DAY ever happened itu terjadi tepat di hari rabu. tiba-tiba hari itu without any reason, sekolah pulang cepet jem 1. whoaaa. really really fun deh hari itu. kaya anak-anak kalap yang emang pengen banget teriak I HATE MY SCHOOL! haha :DD
gue sama robert akhirnya berencana belajar. just for yeaaaa one hour lahh, abis itu kita berdua langsung tacuu paskibra. dan neraka pun dateng akhirnya! :(
i called my mom before i studied, and said "mom, aku mau belajar sama robert dulu nanti aku pulang bareng dia". dan yahh gue emang salah karna nggak bilang mau paskib juga :(
gue pikir gue bisa pulang ke rumah sekitar jem 4an jadi nggak usah kasitau mommy, dan ternyata gue baru sampe rumah jam stenga 6an. mom marah besar, dia nuduh" gue bohong gara" paskib dan blaa.blaa.blaa sampe akhirnya keluar satu kalimat "kamu keluar aja dari paskib!" geez!
nagis seketika. jerit-jerit. i felt like better i died on that time. i cried. i worried. i was afraid. i was locked. i could do nothing. i prayed, but i couldn't breath. worst!

gue nggak mau ngelawan waktu mom terus marah" nggak brentii. gue cuma mau kluar dari kamar terkunci itu dan ke greja. emang ada latian koor sih di hari itu, tapi gue lebih prefer buat berdoa di goa Maria dibandingin latian koor yang so pasti ga ada suara dan di TES!

thanked GOD berhasil juga ke greja. agak tenang sihh. tenang banget lumayan. ditemenin cece tlponan. agak tenang jadinya. thanks yaah cece :))
felst so lucky : SADAR dan BERSYUKUR ; it was hard day but i was still not alone. thankyouthankyou :D

singkatnya, pulang dari greja gue minta maaf yang akhirnya malah di serbu teriakkan" lain yang bikin air mata makin ga bisa brenti. tapi akhirnya sihh selesai. mom sama dad mamu maafin. dengan syarat tetep ga bisa ketemu cece-koko-josh besokkannya, dan ga bisa ikut seleksii di hari sabtu. padahal pengen dateng seleksi paskib junior 2010 :(
bahkan smua atribut sampe sekecil"nya disita. huaaaaaaa. kejamnya.

GOD SAID HE LOVES ME ALWAYS :)

tapi Tuhan emang baik superduper. besokkannya gue boleh ke rumah tania but belajar mat dan abis itu ke rumah cece buat ktemu jose. asoyy! gue ke rumah tania uda kaya mau pindah rumah tadinya, tapi karna jenni baik hati jadi smua benda-benda berat dibawain pulang. makasiih adik :)
ke rumah tania naik taxi transcab yang supirnya mukanya kayaa teroris. ih! tapi ya udah lah yang penting nyampe dengan slamat. kita makan siang dlu di mall palem yang akhirnya malah makan di ruko deket situu dan makannya nasi pake ayam goreng 9ribuu rupiah. membuat gue kalap banget makannya ya ampunn. trus ke rumah tania dan sempet beli baju kembaran bertiga sama sha" juga. hihi.

darii rumah tania naik ojek ke rumah cece stelah ngelewatin banyak jalanan aneh yang pokoknya akhirnya ketemu deh rumah cece. saluut sama tukang ojeknya. haha. sampe rumah cece cuma ada jose sama mbak sitii, dan gue langsung kasii baju upin ipin yang emang uda gue siapin buat jose. dia seneng gitum tu baju di peluk" tapi kok gue nya ga dipeluk ya? ahhhh si josee emang sok"an aja ga mau deket" orang belom mandi secara dia uda wangii. wuuuuuu ~


ga lama-lama setelah itu, cece pulang dan kita tacuu ke taman. di taman lebih gila lagi si jose lucunya ampuun. pas ada 2 anak nyebelin sama pengasuhnya dan pake sepeda [tuu speda lagi nganggur sih], trus mereka main jungkat-jungkit dan jose pegang-pegang sepeda mereka. jose seneng gitu. kya montir cuilikk. ihihi. ehh itu anak dua bilang gini "kalo rusak ganti lohh!!" BLEEEE! itu anak 2 oon yaah, padahal kan jose cuma ngelus" spedanya, tar gue ketawain loh kalo jose jadi pembalap, trus spedanya 20x lipet lebih keren daripada punya loo!! hahaha:D

baru ngomong dalam hati begitu ehh itu anak 2 kena karma. anak yang satunya pantatnya kya kehantem gitu pokoknya dia nangis dan bikin semua orang jadi ngeliatin tu anak. ehhh baru ngeh ternyata si jose juga nangis ngeliat itu anak nangis. *tuhh kann!! jose itu anak baiik tau! dasar kamu anak jahat tadi marainn jose! :(

lucu ngeliat jose mellow, jadi kya berkaca betapa mellownya gue. haha. lucu lucu. truss pokoknyaa akhirnya pulang mandi, dan sempet ngeliat calon skolahannya jose AMIIN, gue-cece-koko pergi dimsum di HD. asooy lagi. akhirnya tercapai makan dimsum. haha.

thanks cece koko :))

masih berlanjutt. hari sabtu dateng juga. gue maless ke skola. pengen ikut seleksi banget banget deh :(
waktu brangkat ke skola ktemu sama robert pake seragam psh. wuaa. pengen. tapi Tuhan emang dengerin doa gue banget. akhirnya mom sama dad kasii ijin, so gue bisa pulang ke rumah untuk ganti baju psh dengan bangga dan dateng lagi seleksii. asiik!
pulang seleksii makan-makan di hanamasa sama senior-senior. seruuuuu~

hari minggu kemariin juga top abiss.
gue sama fv dancers ngedance di kementrian pariwisata acara visit indonesia. bangga lohh!*
pulangnya makan bakmie lungkee dan gue makan satu setengah porsii. ya ampun ampe kya hamil. bujubunengggg :DD


HAPPY LIFE! skarang pengen banget TERIAK lagii! TERIMA KASIH TUHAN - TERIMA KASIH KAWAN KAWAN - TERIMA KASIH SEMUANYAAAAA ! :)

23 February 2010

crazy baby! :)


things were called stupid this morning ! :))

*since yesterday, all my classmates said i was crazy !
then they said "lo salah minum obat ya enjess??? :D

*i've had new behaviour means WEIRD habit
you will never guess this kinda behave, but you getta surely know if we meet! :)

*my lips and nose bleed again :(
bad bad bad! super bad!

*i flattered by clarissa's own words!
she said "kau cantik hari ini :)"

and ..

i can't imagine if my teacher knows that ;

I POST THIS WHEN I HAD STUPID EXAM in LAB ! :DD



i'll tag it to Lorriane Leo ~

22 February 2010

what comes around - goes around ;

so it's good to be grateful for all the things that we have

super extreme things!

beginning of the story;
Saturday night when I went with my friends for dinner together, we both ride motorcycles and certainly not me who drove his bike. so I play only as a passenger. days not too late but it was dark because of clouds. when we were on the way to my house, my friend riding very slowly. but from the direction of our left, there is a motor that headed towards us at high speed. we almost get hit hard, but we were lucky because we survived.

I was really weak at that time, my heart seemed to stop a split second. but I'm still grateful that I survived.

then the next day. when I'm on my way to Citos with my cousins, I went through that again. but the difference this time I was in the car. hot day, and the streets well. again, in the middle of the street, suddenly there was a car to veer toward the main road, with high speed and took half the road to turn, a result almost get hit by a car. only a few millimeters longer and we might be dead. as fast and furious, my cousin swerved to the right quickly. We were saved again:)

and what can I share from this post is how God truly loved me and you. even in any condition, he always keep and protect us.

God bless you always:)
5 days ago is my last post :(

sick of exams! really really sick! and surely going carzy with all things called exams, lessons and tests! when i remember i spent last few days with exams, i mean difficult exams, which make me remorse that the fact was i wasted my time to study and still couldn't did them well. poor you hey questioner, means hate you! :(

but actually i was happy in my last weekend, when saturday night came and i went out with my friends, was in crazy little times with them, then went to the church and met my big DADDY :)
when i sang in the church and had some practicing with my choir. i loved them much. i loved our time. yeaa much better then when i had to do my stupid exams at school.

and i wanna share super extremes thing which happened in my life yesterday. i'll explain you on the next post :D

17 February 2010

"

hey reality

now, it's time to get back to work! STUDY STUDY STUDY until CRAZY!


come on JESSICA, you can do it! yes, you CAN!

i read book which i forgot what its title, but it filled how to make your life seems better, and the answer is [with no doubt] GIVING YOUR OWN SPIRIT!
*yeaa, i try to give that one :)


c'ya ~
check this out!



I'm sure i cried while was watching this movie. AWESOME!

things around me right now

pencil 2B

soft-high quality rubber

answer sheet with
computerize system


tidy stuffs

formulas and practice questions *freak!

my labtop that always accompany me

need freedom soon ! x(

i'm almost crazy with exams; check this out!


daydreaming all the time

laughing alone

weird style

stress



I found I had the same doll that josh has
*banano
if there's someone that i'm dreaming for,
absolutely it is HIM, my Lord..
He, the One who has my whole life,
cause my life, my time, and all i have is HIM ;
not mine..
i was almost falling asleep

and it's about 2 a.m

so, getta sleep very soon or tomorrow i'll have panda's eyes

and it's so bad

:(

good nite everyone

:)

no love

我很想恨你。儘管事實上,我不能,將來也不會。我不愛你。但我仍然愛你。那麼這一切意味著什麼呢?真的,我不明白:(
dear jessica..

I do not know how to express to you how deeply these feelings. I'm too long in silence looking at you from a distance without a single word that can I say. I feel like holding your hand and walk beside you saying I love you. I'm no longer praise but I adore you. you look so amazing even for ordinary wear and flip-flops. knows how long I was wasting time. just to see you again with other people. Another man who eventually became lovers. but now I dare to express even though not directly. at least you know that this feeling is with you. I want to have you. a request, answer me.

love,
*reza



I was surprised to read this letter. letter just lying in front of the fence. but hey reza thanks whoever you are. I just want to be alone right now. but we can become good friends. welcome to the world of friendship. :)
i'm going to forget you and all sweet things we've ever done together ;

VERY SOON


*perhaps

miss you

for all people either family or friends or relatives where far from me


ain't no other word instead
i miss you


16 February 2010

my mp3

there's someone protested about this blog's song. yeaa i've changed it from "you are the music in me-ost hsm2" to "i'm yours-jason mraz". why why why, he asked me. actually there's no specific reason. i just wanna change it cause i wanna hear some jazzy rhythm when i'm viewing my blog :)
then yeaaa, okay i'll try to be honest that there's another reason of this changes. cause there's someone loves this song so much. and hope i could play this song with my piano for him. haha. just guess who is he?

*lol
against boredom

there's nothing i have to do right now. even i know there're so many works mean homeworks which i have to finish, but i'm so boring. and on that high of bored, my sister took some candid pictures of mine. well, not good, but still could made me laughed :D

when i looked my old phone and waited for a message. lol

forgot this one. what did i do? hmm.

when i prayed as ussual

when i laughed


chemistry oh chemistry

FREAK!

don't know why but i'm sure i'm done with this one. STUDY! crazy little things which i've ever done are drank a cup of coffee three times on one day and was doing some kinds of useless work like read books, did so many exercises and prayed everyday. hey come on for you all who made that stupid questions, even just for one question, i was not sure with my answer! :(
i feel so "nggak banget" dehh yaa. ini uda try out yang ke sekian kalinya and we've done it for many times. tapi kok i could never say "wahh tryout nya gampang yaa", yang ada as always "hopeless". kalo dibilang nggak belajar, it's so unfair for students. moreover me, which have learned well. but come back to the reality was i couldn't even did it! many books i've bought in order to make some better ways to face my UN, but see now, they didn't worked at all. at ALL !



soal-soal UN dari tahun-tahun lalu dan prediksi UN tahun ini

soal-soal pembahasan yang dikasih sama agatha

buku yang katanya up to date dan manjur banget

STILL DIDN'T WORKED !

better live in enjoyment than focus on these kinda stuffs. means useless stuffs.

15 February 2010

timeout!

time to sleep :)


*hey heyy, you know what i think i am such a pretty buffalo ever. cause after slept for long time, now i feel so sleepy again. haha. see you on next post :)
seseorang yang menyimpan perasaan terlalu dalam, terlalu dalam, terlalu kuat, dan terlalu tidak mau mengungkapkannya, akan habis tertelan segala ego-nya..

*jee-jessh

when jee-jessh smiles :)






many people say, it's time for jee-jessh rise from sorrow. because when jee-jessh smile, they also will share a smile :)
thanks everyone! hughugkiss*

realize

I've hypnotized hard world. tormented by the reality. makes me feel I was the most despicable. lowest. I'm rubbish!
but when I looked far ahead. there is light there. even when I saw a large circle of enchanting, I was in it :)
with people who see me valuable. they amazed me. then I realized that I was lucky. and my life is not mine. but the whole of HIM.
" i miss you badly ! "

that's all! :)

KISS ME - Avril Lavigne


Kiss Me out of the bearded barley,
Nightly, beside the green green grass.
Swing, swing, swing the spinning step,
You wear those shoes and I will wear that dress.
Oh, kiss me beneath the milky twilight,
Lead me out on the moonlit floor.
Lift your open hand,
Strike up the band and make the fire flies dance,
Silver moon's sparkling, so kiss me.

Kiss me down by the broken tree house,
Swing me upon it's hanging tire.
Bring, bring, bring your flowered hat,
We'll take the trail marked on your father's map.
Oh, kiss me beneath the milky twilight,
Lead me out on the moonlit floor.
Lift your open hand,
Strike up the band and make the fire flies dance,
Silver moon's sparkling, so kiss me.
La la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la
Oh, kiss me beneath the milky twilight,
Lead me out on the moonlit floor.
Lift your open hand,
Strike up the band and make the fire flies dance,
Silver moon's sparkling, so kiss me.
Now kiss me
La la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la

sinchia vs valentine's day


chinese new year and days of love as valentine's day that is filled with hope. day which was really waiting until I dream every night. dream will come a lot of good fortune and love. haha. I do not get much chocolate as usual. although still get a pretty white rose:)
but I liked this year. years can I call a learning year. years where I would find myself identity. who I am and what I live.
and all my life, only this time I'm really proud to say that I'M HAPPY
:)
what is it called?

is it LOVE?

or OBSESSION?

no, they're not..


it's CURSE !
as always.

reminds me of you ..

14 February 2010

one big day was called HAPPINESS :)

JOSElovesJESSI


JOSE JOSE

jee-jessh loph jo-josh


love you ko" and cece :)

sii lucuu ! x)


H-1 dari sinchia!


gilagilagila! ini bener-bener gilaa! semua kegilaan ini berawal dari paper yang mesti dikerjain dan berhungan dengan social life. means gue mesti cari orang, interview, dan finally bikin laporan. hahah. as always, pastinya i wanna be different from others, jadi gue punya idola gue sendiri. dan gue jelas 100% uda ketebak memilih JOSE GUNAWAN as my IDOL! yuhuuu~
dari awal emang uda kebayang sih bakalan seru banget observ si jojosh, tapi semuanya itu tdinya cuma bayangan ajaah biar bisa bikin gue semangat menghadapi hari esok, esoknya lagi sampe akhirnya nyampe di hari ini. HARI H! :D

kemaren gue uda heboh telpon si ko onad dan nanyain alamatnya gitu. akhirnya dengan perjanjian gue ga bakalan kesana naik om O ato om A, baru deh si ko" mau kasi tau alamatnya. haha. *peace ko, peacee...*
dan gara-gara itu juga, berarti gue harus ikut daddy sekalian mau pergi yang katanya mau pergi entah kemana padahal mau nge-date sama mami, means gue mesti brangkat dari rumah jem stenga 8 pagi setelah pagi nya akhirnya dibangunin dlu. haha.

jem stenga 8 jalan dari rumah trus sempet di telponin cece, katanya ditungguin sarapan. dan rasanya pengen bilang "ya ampun ceceeeee, tau aja ya aku lagi laper beratt.." haha. tapi yang kluar malah "aduuuu cecee, ga usaaa...". abisnya gue paling males deh ngerepotin orang gitu. mana tau si ko" ama cece uda laper tar mesti nungguin gue dulu kan jd enak. loh?? ahahaha :DD

thanks GOD perjalanannya cepet banget gara-gara adanya fly over baru di ring road. assoy. nyari alamat juga ga ribet gara-gara total buah, bengkel berkat, sama penguin-penguin keliatan dari jauh. nyampe deh di rumah cece. trus uda ga enak lagi nih si cece uda nungguin di depan rumah sama si jojosh lucu. hihih.

si jojosh malu-malu gitu sama gue. ga bisa diem. jalan sana jalan sini. tapi lucu sih waktu dia joget-joget nontonin dvd pustaka apa lah gitu namanya anak-anak nyanyi-nyanyi. hihi. trus gue kasi dia rubiks. di pegangin mulu deh tu rubiks. sempet diketok-ketok juga tuh rubiks disangkain drum. haha. josejosejose! i love you full deh :-*

trus sarapan rendang sama soto. honestly itu emang laper berat banget sih. tapi gue jadi "malu-malu najis" [niru istilah kaceng :D] gitu. secara ya, aduh entar jadi ga enak kan kalo terlihat bernapsu makannya. slowly but sure, semuanya ludes di makan. perut kenyang hati senang jadi girang. wuhuuuu ~
abis itu si ko" pergii gitu ke rumah maminya, dan gue ngeliatin si jojosh mandi. lucu banget sih ya itu anak. anteng banget. nggak rewel. jd pengen hug kalo ngebayangin. hmm.

jojosh kelar mandi means cece mau mandi. jadi gue sama jojosh beduaan nonton dvd dog movie di kamar cece. asli sepanjang nonton, jojosh itu diem ga bergerak. paling sesekali aja dia tiduran trus bangun lagi. tapi diemmm aja gitu. sampe cece kelar mandi, akhirnya cece jadi fotografer deh. foto kanan foto kiri. assoy!

nah nah yang lucu banget-banget nya nih yaah. si jojosh pas lagi nonton sempet tengkurep gitu. si cece cuma bilang doang nih.. "Josee, sit down! come on sit down!", si jojosh nggak pake nengok tuh padahal tapi dia nurut. dia beneran sit down. gilagila. pinter banget sih itu anak. truss cece bilang, bentar lagi si jojosh juga nempel sama gue. ehh beneran loh, pas lagi tengah-tengah nonton, dia bediri ke pintu, trus muter-muter ga jelas, ngambil buku ceritanya trus duduk manis di sebelah gue. nahh nggak lama kemudian dia nyender ke gue gitu masih sambil nonton dvd. si cece langsung senyam-senyum terus fotoin kita deh sambil ngomong berkali-kali "duhh mesranya..." astaga deh si cece! haha :D

dan itu berlangsung lama lohh. seneng banget deh. berulang kali pula dia kaya gitu. trus dia duduk biasa, buka buku ceritanya trus ngoceh-ngoceh ga jelas gitu sambil nunjuk-nunjuk gambar di buku ceritanya. pas gue tanya cece,ternyata katanya dia lagi ceritain gue. oke deh jojosh! kamu ceritain aku pake bahasa planet tapi kamu tetep lucuuuuu! hihihi.
salah satu kepinterannya lagi nih yaa. cece bilang "Jose, where is your banano? give it to auntie jessii.." si jojosh langsung bediri, ngambil boneka banana nya, ngasi ke gue sambil ketawa trus duduk di depan gue dan nyender! ya ampun joseeeee. dan jojosh itu perasa banget juga. pas dia nonton dog nya lagi nangis alone sambil nyanyi gitu, dia nangis. pas dia liat bapak-bapak tua jahat di film itu, dia nangis juga. lebih lucunya lagi, nangisnya cuma sekedar mewek aja soalnya ga ada air matanya. hehe. trus kalo ada adegan yang ngagetin, dia pasti ngelus dada kya orang shocked gitu. ihwaw! once again LOVE YOU FULL JOSEE:-*

trus nggak lama si ko" pulang gitu kan main-main sama si jose. seru banget ngeliat dia ketawa. trus dia main drum juga. lari kanan lari kiri tapi still cute. gila deh gilaaaa. ampun deh itu anak lucu nyaaaa :))
trus gue curhat-curhatan sama cece sama ko". asik banget. so in love with our togetherness :D

uda jem 11an juga, jadi kita turun ke bawah mau nonton dvd yang gue bikin sendiri. akhirnya nonton dan gue udah malu stengah mampuss. masih main juga sama si jojosh. makan coklat, makan cornflakes, dan apapun makanannya minumannya teh botol sosro. wakaka. ngobrol-ngobrol juga sama si mbak siti soleha yang bocorin ke gue katanya gue sering diomongin sama ko" sama cece juga. *nah yaa ko" sama cece KETAUAN ya.. ehemehem!*

cece sama ko" nggak lama ganti baju siap-siap soalnya kita mau cabut makan siang dan langsung ke TA nontonin jenny yang perform nyanyi mandarin gitu. cece sama ko" ngasii kue gitu buat mommy, gue dapet angpao juga cihiy.. oiya pas mau pergi, jojosh nangis gitu. hikshiks. aku juga sedih kok josh, masi pengen main sama kamu juga. nginep-nginep deh kalo perlu biar main sama kamu teruss :(
CD presentasi gue diambil tapi ikhlas kok ngasihnya. haha. di mobil si ko" ama cece ribut-ribut mau makan dimana sampe ko" sempet brenti di pinggir jalan demi mikir doang mau makan di mana. stengah perjalanan, masih ON gue cerita-cerita, abis itu penyakit KEBO gue kambuh deh dan akhirnya ketiduran. hhihi. nyampe-nyampe dibangunin ternyata makan di pondok psanggrahan.

makan siang yang menyenangkan juga, trus langsung tacuu ke TA. nyampe di TA kita nontonin performer yang lainnya dulu soalnya si jenni juga belom dateng. seruseru. trus jenny dateng, nggak lama kemudian dia perform. mana itu sound man rese banget. dari awal acara kok lagunya ga pernah bener. ckck.
trus trus gue, cece, ko" beli froyo di tutti fruity. si ko" sama cece pake tester dlu gitu. trus gue disuru cobain tester nya bubble gum yang dari jaman dahulu kala gue ga pernah bisa bilang itu enak. uek. akhirnya sih makan TF juga, setelah sblomnya si ko" menggila banget, jelas-jelas kita uda di dalem ehh masih nanya "jadi kamu mau makan froyo disini nih?" akaka. kan malu juga kali kalo ga jadi ko.. astagaa si ko". *ngakak*

abis dari situ langsung ke paper clip nyamperin daddy mommy grandpa grandma jenny yang uda mau pulang juga. sempet foto-foto dulu gitu. asik banget deh. kalo lagi bareng cece sama ko" itu rasanya seneng terus. lengkap deh kalo ada jojosh nya juga. :)
pas uda mau pulang, means kita mau misah. rasanya gue pengen banget ikut cece balik lagi ke palem. ga pengen pulang. masih pengen main. masih pengen seneng-seneng. secara kalo pulang ke rumah gue yang diliat pasti paper-paper numpuk, soal try out sama pra ujian. mau gila :(

trus ngebayangin juga ntar gue ke bandung, makin jarang ketemu cece-ko"-josh, makin jarang pergi makan dimsum ato seafood bareng, makin jarang ketemu dan makin jarang bisa cerita-cerita kecuali lewat BBM ato YM =(

tapi ya udah gapapa deh, masih punya 2 bulan stelah ujian buat seneng-seneng bareng. hihi. pengen banget mengulang hari ini. love you love you LOVE YOU SO MUCH cece, ko" and JOSEEEEEE!!

hughugkiss :-*

xiexiemuah ! :))

07 February 2010

voicenotes

today I have it all. all the answers to the puzzle that I could never solve. explanation that I've been waiting for. explanation that pierced my body out. I seemed dead and lifeless again. but I realized that this was his way. when he says he loves me but will never be with me. and thank me because I've loved him too deeply. because I was wasted a few years to wait for something that is abstract. nothing. not reached. I just dreamed a thousand days without getting the slightest chance to feel the beauty of the dream. I'm a dreamer. dreamers who want to be pitied.
but I realized that I was waiting. and now I have clarity. fair enough. he would let me fully. and allow me to find, and move to another heart that allows me to find happiness. I just feel stupid. has made everyone mad at me just because I was too late in the sense that I do not understand.
I like fainting. I like an idiot. I allowed myself was marred by the situation. I let myself be controlled by the love that was not love. I banged by a rock fall that I put. I like crazy. laughed at the tears. happy in the suffering. funny. I felt my life funny. in fact, my life has not even direction. in vain I'm smart, if I do not have a brain. I wasted good if in fact I'm stupid. I'm a fake. all the people amazed me when I was so stupid. I'm weird!

Today I send voice notes to my brother. I apologize for making him angry yesterday. make him yelling in my ear as if I was deaf. made my bones ache. makes me sick. when he says "whatever" and "you can be considered no longer have pride by him". that instant I was crying. exactly the same when I finally recording my voice. I felt a great pain. and I hope to get a reply. but he did not give an answer. I just wanted to know whether he forgave me or not.

hate me ko, if it will make you glad. I do not deserve your loved, because I'm too stubborn. I always can not accept that I was not expected. You always said I was worth, but even myself did not admit it. I was wrong ko, I know. sorry for that. I can only pray. maybe tomorrow, after tomorrow, next week, or as soon as I can hear the answer. response of apologies that have been made you may feel remorse because you know me and make me a part of your life. I accept it all. sincere. thank you for everything. :)

girls' mostly MIND

adapted from Stephani Nova Gandawijaya's notes

When i dont call you
♥ It’s because im waiting for you to call me

When i walk away from you mad
♥ Follow me

When i stare at your mouth
♥ Kiss me

When i push you or hit you
♥ Grab me and dont let go

When i start cussing at you
♥ Kiss me and tell me you love me

When im quiet
♥ Ask me whats wrong/Or mess with me

When i ignore you
♥ Give me your attention

When i pull away
♥ Pull me back

When you see me at my worst
♥ Tell me I’m beautiful

When you see me start crying
♥ Hold me and tell me everything will be alright

When you see me walking
♥ Sneak up and hug my waist from behind

When im scared
♥ Protect me

When i lay my head on your shoulder
♥ Tilt my head up and kiss me

When i tease you
♥ Tease me back and make me laugh

When i dont answer for a long time
♥ Reassure me that everything is okay

When i look at you with doubt
♥ Back yourself up

When i say that i like you
♥ I really do more than you could understand

When i grab at your hands
♥ Hold mine and play with my fingers

When i bump into you
♥ Bump into me back and make me laugh

When i tell you a secret
♥ Keep it safe and untold

When i look at you in your eyes
♥ Don’t look away until i do

When i miss you
♥ I’m hurting inside

When you break my heart
♥ The pain never really goes away

When i say its over
♥ I still want you to be mine

06 February 2010

heyya i got it AGAIN :D

I suddenly got a letter. pink color. I already can guess what it is only in a single view. because I'd received for the third time. as expected, the contents statements love. sometimes I think, "expressed his feelings through letters of love?" .. haha. ancient. but memorable. I'm confused how to respond. I know the sender of the letter. but did not intend to answer. because I'm sure he knows what the answer Shuhite. I'm sure he had understood what I express. I do not want to have a partner for now. I'd better gather a lot of friends. because I do not want a boyfriend. I was not able to say goodbye again if I later broke up. perhaps more accurately, I do not want to drop out of love. for that, I'm not going to start a relationship that is not accompanied by the approach. hihi. high starting language. but hey thanks for sending the letter, I appreciate your honesty. one day you will meet with a better one than I am. because I was not the best fit for you, you can get better. thank you for the attention that you pour in the letter. I was flattered to read it. really thank you. and sorry for not having it. I do not want your heart broken in the future if I continue to expect. thank you also for the white roses. I like it.

:)

my super inspiration :)



jose!

only he who can make me forget all the things that are not pleasant. he makes me not feel bored again just by looking at the photos. see the funny acting style even if only in photographs. a funny look on his face. hear his voice laughing when playing small drums. make me can imagine how cute he was when he sat quietly watching television that shows a dog movie. imagine him as he sulked. I never tired of listening to her mother telling daily at home. never tired of seeing the video while he slept. jose even make me stop crying just to see the video that was dancing with excitement. jose makes me feel lucky to know him. makes me even more to love little kids. made me see how much I wanted to be a child again. hahaha. I miss my childhood days. when I had to learn to walk. learn to recognize both my parents. learn to understand the words. :)

thanks jose, I'm glad to know who you are:)
I want to be loved like everybody loves the smell of roses ..

I want to love like God loves His people ..

I want to be the real me ..

I wish I could say no

I wish I could deny anything I did not like

I want to be considered valuable

I want to have wings to fly

I want me to be a strong girl

I wish I remembered

of all that,

The most I want is ..

I want to grow up

:)

for you hey someone noticed me :)

last week there was the person who told me:
"jess, I noticed lately blogs you describe a lot of sadness"

then I just read some of the last post. and recognizes's reply was true the last few post seem very mellow. was really such a hard life. like living in an empty room alone and hungry. like begging love and compassion.

apologize profusely for it all. I promise from now on will not damage the enjoyment of this blog again.

I just felt why every time I felt a little relief, and happiness, everything changed immediately apparent. as if I were really living in a fairy tale, where everything can change so quickly. quickly turned her palms.

I still remember when I finally decided to move to other hearts, learn to forget the past, learn to develop into a good jessica, I once again inserted into the trap of love that was so scary. as if I was tied up and could not escape. I was trapped in the lie itself. lies in which I said "I do not love him anymore" but the truth is "I can not forget"

someone was very angry with me yesterday. and I just
crying on the phone listening to all the flood of anger. I was stupid, like have no pride anymore still expect people who are always making fun of me. and more stupid when I first love behalf to defend the man.

I had never heard shouting about it ..

word for word as if piercing my bones ..

so painful ..

I know he's angry because he noticed me ..

rather, he pitied me ..

thank you so much for that. you just can not understand that you're dealing with a loser like me. loser of the happiness of others on behalf of misery for themselves. and unfortunately, that fool is me. ME.

but I've pondered it all. I'm not going to defend myself again. and I promise I will really try to get up. because I know great happiness is waiting for me if I want to reach. I was full of deceit going back into the old jessica.

jessica who smiled with sincerity ..
and not just because she wanted to show that strong:)

the adult jessica ..
and no longer a crybaby girl:)

jessica is studying to become wise ..
and no longer the girl who on behalf of happiness at the expense of herself.

and I promise, I will never ever again try to hurt myself any weighing this life.

I promise:)

31 January 2010

it feels HOPE :)

i'm tired !

that's why it's better smile than cry. cause i'm tired. tired of sadness. tired of rambling. tired of all!
but when i'm writing this one. i know and really really understand what these are. i feel some hopes. hope for grow, hope for happiness, hope for successful and hope for love.
again and again it's happened. what is it? LOST. yeaah LOST.

one by one, from time to time, God takes HIS children. us. but why does HE take my family too often? too fast? or maybe too many?!

i still can't realize what i heard this morning. my auntie has gone. i don't know where she is right now. but i hope, she is in heaven. far far away from here, but i believe she is fine there. i can imagine how she smiles, how she laughs, and how she gives her warm hug for me with pray :)

i couldn't stand when i see my mother's crying loudly. i hugged her. i hoped she would better than before. but i know she felt depressed. she lost her lovely sister. lovely lovely lovely i think.
when i remember last month we were together. we laughed. we smiled. we sang together. we had dinner time. and i still can't believe, when the doctor said she was okay even i know that were problems with her heart. and she ever got heart-attack. that was why my uncle picked her up to jakarta.

oh no! it was just last month and now, i hear she passed away? she left me? left us? left everybody which love her so much?
i miss you for sure sister agnes. my auntie was a nun and has already become a sister. she was abbes. and we all family are too much proud of her. she was kind and loveable. SO LOVEABLE!

she ever said to me;
GOD will give you hope if you are still hoping for HIM :)
and i give improvisation for that sentence and being my motto till this day;
GOD gives a hope for those who believe in HIM :)

thanks sister agnes, i will always remember that one. i love you. i mean i love you SO MUCH :)


29 January 2010

aku bersyukur :)


aku menyusuri lorong gelap berdinding batu. sendiri. tanpa ada seorang pun yang ikut menemaniku atau lebih tepatnya SUDI ikut menemaniku. aku hanya SENDIRI.

ditemani cahaya remang lampu lorong yang kian lama kian redup, semakin gelap, semakin membuatku susah untuk melihat. aku seperti buta. seperti kehilangan arah. aku TERSESAT.

aku takut. lalu aku berlari dan berlari dengan tenaga yang tersisa. aku menangis. aku TAKUT.

aku terjatuh. aku terluka. darah itu kian mengalir deras dari tubuhku. aku lemas. aku jatuh terduduk bersandar pada dinding batu. ternyata batu itu tajam dan menghantam kepalaku. lagi-lagi aku TERLUKA.

tubuhku lemas. aku butuh pertolongan. kakiku terasa kaku, lidahku terasa kelu. sekuat tenaga aku mencoba merangkak seperti bayi. gelapnya lorong itu membuat aku tidak bisa melihat, ada sebongkah kaca menusuk lututku. aku merintih. tapi tak seorang pun datang menolong.

aku paksakan untuk melangkahkan kaki menuju ujung lorong. dari jauh telah aku lihat cahaya itu. semburan cahaya harapan. aku ingin bertemu orang lain, harapku.

aku SAMPAI. aku berhasil berada di ujung lorong itu. banyak orang lalu lalang di depanku. aku berteriak minta tolong. tapi mereka seakan tuli. tidak peduli.

aku seperti kasat mata. ketika seorang kaya berjalan di depanku, ia membuang kulit pisang tepat di kepalaku dan meludahiku. aku MARAH. namun hanya terdiam.

aku mulai menangis. aku terisak. semakin lama semakin deras air mata itu. sesak rasanya. aku SAKIT HATI. kemana mereka, orang-orang yang menyayangiku?

sesaat aku melihat wajah itu. aku sangat mengenalnya. DIA. itu DIA!

aku berteriak memanggil namanya. sekuat tenaga sampai urat leherku seakan telah putus. sampai tidak ada lagi tenaga untuk berteriak. DIA melihatku, menghampiriku, memandangku dengan cara yang tak biasa, MELUDAHIKU, dan pergi MENINGGALKANKU.

siapa aku? hanya sampah kah?!

masih jelas teringat sesaat sebelum aku terjebak di dalam lorong gelap. betapa BAHAGIA nya hidupku. SEMPURNA dengan semua yang aku miliki. aku BAHAGIA.

ketika aku berikan senyum kepada semua orang. ketika tangis itu hanya aku yang tau. tak pernah aku biarkan seorang pun melihatku keram tubuh. hanya SENYUM yang aku bagikan.

tapi apa yang aku dapatkan hanyalah terlempar ke dalam lorong gelap. aku terjebak. lebih tepat, aku DIJEBAK!

aku selalu berkata YA walau hatiku terus berbisik TIDAK. seolah semua kulakukan atas nama kebaikkan, padahal aku lumpuh karenanya. aku cacat. aku RAPUH.

aku SADAR aku harus bangkit berdiri. meninggalkan segala kebodohanku. aku ingin berdiri, tapi aku lupa bagaimana caranya. aku sudah sangat TERLUKA. rasanya SAKIT. meski lebih sakit ketika aku melihat air mata orang lain terjatuh.

tawa yang kudengar membuatku BANGKIT. meski aku tau tawa itu mengejekku. mengolokku. tapi tidak apa-apa. aku BAIK-BAIK saja, bahkan senang melihat mereka BAHAGIA.
senyum culas tak ku pedulikan, aku tetap tersenyum. meski rasanya aku tak mampu lagi melukis senyum itu. tapi toh tetap aku lakukan.

aku sangat ingin MARAH. tapi aku tidak bisa. dan mungkin tidak akan pernah bisa. aku terlalu LEMAH untuk itu.

ketika ku lihat sebagian orang mempedulikan aku. mereka mau membantu menopang aku. hanya satu yang ada dipikiranku. aku BERDOA. berdoa untuk mereka yang hatinya bagaikan kapas.

kulihat wajah mereka penuh kekhawatiran yang tulus. mereka mau bersusah payah membuatku berdiri, meski mereka tau aku masih sangat sulit untuk berdiri. semuanya membutuhkan PROSES yang panjang.

aku tersenyum. sakit. tapi aku tahan. aku tidak bisa mengeluh di depan mereka. aku tidak ingin melihat jerit kekhawatiran itu terdengar. karena aku baik-baik saja.

mereka tidak pergi meninggalkan aku tapi malah singgah menemaniku. mereka membersihkanku. menganggapku istimewa. meski mereka tau, aku telah diludahi karena semua kebodohanku. mereka menasehatiku. meski kesal, mereka tidak meninggalkan aku.

dan kini, aku telah duduk di atas kursi empuk yang mereka sediakan. bersama teh hangat sebagai suguhan. aku merasakan kehangatan. aku pernah merasakan ini. aku menyebutnya KASIH SAYANG.

aku memandang setiap mereka. setiap lekuk wajah dan ekspresi mereka. aku menemukan sesuatu. KETULUSAN.

lalu aku menengadah. aku tau nun jauh di sana, pemilikku sedang melihatku meski aku tak melihatnya. aku berbisik dalam hati. "Tuhan, terima kasih. aku BERSYUKUR"


-jee-


*thank you for being my strength even i am still useless like a trash :)