before i have to move from Jakarta

everyone is looking for the best and try to be the best. but without love, all that was just sheer ambition.
* jee-jessh

31 December 2009

who i am

who i am
i am just you've known who i am
i am just you've known who is jessica for sure
i am just you've known an active and super girl ever
i am just you've known a girl with all pains in
i am just you've known a lazy girl
i am just you've known
i am ME

i lost in love with you
i lost in time with you
i lost my mind on you
guess what?

i love you

few hours left ~

few hours left till then NEW YEAR 2010. uaaa. i feel so DAGDIGDUG. i'm not ready for new year. because when 2010 is coming, then my final tests are coming too. uh no! get stressed! :(
i will spend this day with my closest friends, and cannot wait to have some chitchat with them.
few hours left, and i'm still saying sorry with all my heart to U. U, which is hurt by me. yea, me.
sorry for all my faults. my stupid things, my childish habit. sorry so sorry. ><

all i can say is just :


may 2010 bring all the best hings for us



29 December 2009

you are all i want

you are all i need

you are all i live for

you are all my life


27 December 2009

all i can say

i miss you all my dancers

a lot


bad things featuring GENGSI !

when you have just arrived
why do you wanna go away too fast?

when you are just being a lady

why do you waste your time just to be a mommy?


i'm gonna share my opinion about wrong side of teenagers life
why do teenagers bec
ome suckers ?

these are all started from :

being seventeen !

when you've just seventeen, you thought your life is yours. just yours. even your parents maybe must not disturb your business. you walked like a rich woman. and never try to wake up; heyy, your money is you parents money. not yours. but yeaa,there's no one care about it. you just act like you are now in adult's life. rich life.

then you meet your best friends
you've gone from home and found your own happiness
but you're wrong, you've gone to hell


you stay away from home every night, when your parents just already getting sleep. you go away with your sexy dress, act like a super model. with all beauty stuffs in your body. make you look like princess.

but you've tried these things there :




and you were just still act like good girl in your way. never thought about your own future. what will you be if you are live with all those things? no you never care about it. you're just wanna happy. that's all.

then for you girls, have you ever thought what will you get after those?

you lost your virginity

and oh my God, are you ready for this one?

have you ever imagined if you become a mommy when you are just seventeen?

so, come on grow up. there are so many positive activities which can make you feel you are accepted. your talents, your minds, all of yours. you can make your best life. because ;

your life is your choices !


ga semua orang perlu tau, siapa aku, siapa dia, siapa kamu, dan siapa mereka. ga semua orng perlu paham apa yang sebenernya aku pahami, kamu pahami, dia pahami, dan mereka pahami.
aku hanya ingin bertindak seperti bayi, yang hanya menangis ketika ia merasa lapar, merengek ketika ia kedinginan, berlari ketika ia menemukan sesuatu yang dicarinya. apa yang dimilikinya? HATI YANG POLOS !
para bayi tidak mengerti apa yang mereka lakukan. tapi kita mengerti, mereka hanya mencari sedikit perhatian bahwa mereka ADA. aku ingin menjadi seperti mereka sehingga semua orang akan mengakui keberadaanku. keberadaan seorang gadis yang terjebak dalam berbagai pergaulan tapi tidak mengerti bagaimana mengatasinya. bagaimana aku harus menyelamatkan temanku yang masuk terjerumus dalam gelap. aku tidak ingin seperti mereka yang menyia-nyiakan kesempatan untuk hidup dan berkarya, mereka yang tidak memiliki tolak ukur sebuah kehidupan nyata yang hanya datang satu kali saja. mereka yang mau berbagi hal duniawai yang sifatnya negatif. mereka tidak mengajak aku, tapi mereka tetap temanku. semua orang berhak menilai. apa pun hasilnya, mungkinkah sebuah dosa dapat terhapus hanya dalam satu kali berdoa?

26 December 2009

fave song `

Masih Tersimpan
by: maliq n d'essential

Masih kuingat masa indah denganmu

Tak akan dapat aku melupakan
Jika kuingat apa yang kurasakan
Tak dapat dengan kata kujelaskan

Terlalu indah untuk aku lupakan
Masa-masa yang tlah terlewati
Terlalu indah sayang untuk aku lupakan
Oh kasih..aku rindu dirimu

Saat kupejamkan mataku
Engkau hadir dalam mimpiku
Dikala waktu kita masih bersama
Jelas tergambar senyumanmu
Jelas terlukiskan wajahmu
Dihatiku..masih tersimpan dirimu

Harus aku berlari
Harus kucari pengganti
Untuk menghindari dirimu
Agar kumelupakan
Agar dapat kulepas darimu..sayang
Aku sunggunh-sungguh



hingga kini tak terhapus kenanganmu
ingin..kusimpan didasar lubuk hatiku


geez !

geez !

geez !

.i am on the way to PIM 2 with my cousins.



.oh my.

what's up with my head, huh?

why's it always be like this after i'm eating noodles ??

.hate it.

f.y.i : on this holiday i've stopped my diet. and i always do my dinner thing(s). hehe :D

so sorry mom, i can't be a silly dancing queen. i wanna be just normal. yeaaaa NORMAL ! :)

25 December 2009

why do christmas always called WHITE ?

why do christmas always called WHITE?

i want my RED CHRISTMAS. hehehe :D


* xmas eve

what a wonderful day. i spent my xmas eve with my family and my choir. and with some chat with pals. so it wasn't a boring day (like ussual). hihi. for the first time on my xmas eve, i was free from job and work! uaa. thanks GOD. you know what i loved to do :)
started from celebrated my dad's bday. then had some chats with kak onad, adams, and beii. after that prepared for singing in a church. choir time!
i loved when i played that triangle [o-sanctissima], and kinda bells [merry xmas]. loved too when i sang "who is the baby and angels, we have heard on high". i really felt the spirit of xmas. (:

* xmas day

almost midnite, and my family still woke up. fresh a lot :D
what did we wanna do? yeaaa! cut dad's bday cake. haha. surprised for you,daddy :)
then we found out our xmas's presents beside our *little* xmas's tree. ahahha.
i got many kind of clothes and one sandals. love them much. :)

but, there was something i lost. my xmas was not complete.

i wanna see my best friend's smile. but i still can't see it.

GOD, all i want on this xmas are all i get, and my best friend's sweet smile.

thank you :)

**HAPPY BDAY, sweet JESUS ! i LOVE you :)

24 December 2009

nice NEWS :))

i heard from someone that U have already gotten your way to leave me. big THANKS to U. when i heard it, i've felt so pure. thank you, now U show how much U love me then U stay away from me. yihaaa. maybe it's too bad if i type :

* thanks. when U said U wanna stay away from me, i felt THAT IS THE BEST PRESENT on this xmas for me,, sorry, but it sets my spirit FREE now. thanks thanks thanks :)

i'm sure, totally sure, GOD will make a way for U, gives U everything U want. i'll pray for U. will always.




.speechless to talk.

but, although i don't know how to say, how to share it;

i just wanna say


hope this CHRISTMAS brings new hope for you all

  • hope all the best for study
  • hope all the best for work
  • hope all the best for money. lol.
  • hope all the best for future
  • hope all the best for life :)

sharing from JESSICA KENCANA as your writer :

this xmas's fulled by laughs, loves, kisses, hugs, presents, and everything which called



all i want for this xmas :)

gucci's pocket



much money

make up pac


emergency charger

zara's dress

guess's bag

bb bold onix

i wanna have all these stuffs for my christmas's presents. but, i don't need them if i still have all more important things in my life.

and those important things are :

irreplaceable things for me :)

GOD, all i want in this xmas are them. no more presents, just them :)

22 December 2009

if you are loving someone, just make some happiness for her even if the way is stay away from her..
if you can't do that, it's not love but obsession..
think about that one!
are you loving her for sure or just have an obsession to get her?

chat !

adams : jessiii ?
jessica_kencana : ya
adams : still alive? lol
jessica_kencana : hooh
adams : hey, what's wrong with you girl ?
jessica_kencana : nothing, dude
adams : don't you wanna share with me ?
jessica_kencana : no
adams : hey, i love your smile
jessica_kencana : ADAMSS ! i cried (again) ! :((
adams : why why why ?
jessica_kencana : sadness.confused
adams : i call you now !

then adams called me. i cried. but thanks a lot, you were my best friend ever!

new baby here ! :))

abis jengukkin istrinya daddy rupii di hermina, masih kebayang lucunya sii new baby yang namanya
Nathanael NEWTON
haha :D
he's cute cute cuteee! all babies are cute, but he's still cuteeeee!! :))

i'll do all these for sure. PUAS?

do you need me to be like these so you can understand?
sure, i can do all these !

i type more than 2 posts everyday

like the title, i type more than 2 posts everyday. why? cause my day sometimes was a boring grey :(

but thanks for the owner of blogger, thanks for this facilitate, so i can put, share and type all my feelings. bad feelings, kinda love, emotion and all. haha. it's almost midnight and i still can't sleep. feel asleep but can't sleep. i don't know why. there're many problems in my mind. i hope all these will be clear one by one. i hope! perhaps...

i pusing !

i pusing banget loh hari ini, jam ini, menit ini, detik ini. i pusing gimana caranya buat ngasi tau u kalo i ini pusing ngadepin u ! :(

i've told you before, i can't love you and will never try or will never be in love with you. i said that to you. face to face. from heart to heart. i think it was too enough, when i said it hard. i never wanna hurt you. really! but you are still can't understand me. you've said you love me, then it means you're ready for anything goes by, right? actually i'm not sure, you've pushed me to love you, and i still cannot! please.. do not hurt me like this! show me your love, and that way is leave me here with my own life. no more disturb! can you?

crazy little times :)

i made these kinda poses in my car when i was on the way to Mall Taman Anggrek
LOVE this natural sides :)




21 December 2009

real thanks

real thanks to adams, the one who said "jessh, i love your blog".hihi. even just one human said that, but i'm happy till now. NARSISME! haha :D

yayaya, i'm gonna happy if everyone happy with all stories which i've shared everyday, every moment. hihi. hope you all just get some refreshments when you are blogging off here. ada protes gitu sih dari shannon, "jeee, lo jangan sok"an pake bahasa inggris dehh..", but sorry shannon, i'm on praacticing my grammar too here. haha. soo, i'm typing with mix languages,, hihi. :)

thanks for all visitors, all readers, all commentators. i appreciate em much :)

real thanks !


i do love this day, with shirley anggraini as a partner. haha :D

i love you shie, paling nggak today wasn't boring :)
serunya, when we just sat down and had some chitchat in sat together with sharing with us. shared all stories happened, gossip time, took some pictures, laughed, smiled, tricked, and all things we did today. i do love it. with any preparation before, just when you sent me a message at 10 am "JEEEE, ke puriiii yoook". haha (:
that what i called friend, will always be here when we don't know what to do and need someone to share. so thanks darling :)

then i got a message from kak fio to go to sandwich king. yeah, sorry shirley, i left you on sturbucks with your cousin cause you've been waiting for dionne. huhu. sorry too much more :(
but i had some fun too with kak waldy, kak fio, kak irvan and kak yones there. gossiped time about me! gubrakk! i don't even know what to say. just little smiled, little laughed and shied. hiaaa!! ><

but, it was a great day. so in love with this day :)

i hope you understand

*for you,, it's for you. i hope this poem will help you to forget me. still sorry, i can't love you :(

Ketika aku menemukan sebuah cinta ..
Ingin ku renggut dan tidak akan pernah lagi kulepaskan ..
Aku akan belajar untuk memahaminya ..
Dan menerimanya apa adanya ..

Aku tidak mau memperbudak dirinya ..
Karena aku sungguh mencinta ..
Walau terkadang amarah menggelora ..
Namun semua harus ku terima ..

Kini kebahagiaan ini hanya sementara ..
Bila tiba saatnya nanti, semua akan menjadi seperti semula ..
Aku hanya akan memandang setiap detik kepergiannya ..
Dan berhenti pada tetesan air mata ..

Inginku merengkuhnya ..
Namun ingin pula aku memukulnya ..
Aku ingin memberontak ..
Meminta keadilan akan cinta ..

Tapi apalah arti sebuah emosi ..
Jika hanya akan menimbulkan rasa benci ..
Aku sungguh mencintainya ..
Dan siap melihatnya bahagia ..

Meski bukan denganku ..

*i will never love you as my boyfriend. never, i love you as my brother. will not be more than that. please understand me :(

Gala dinner 20.12.2009 :)

it was a busy day ..

started from 6 am that i already woke up. mata merah, bengepbengep, nguap nguap. mukanya uda jelek banget deh :(
then my sister shouted for many times "JESSSIII!! MANDIII CEPETANN !".. uahh. i was too lazy to do anything. just wanna sleep. still asleep. ><
finally i took a bath for only 5 minutes. haha. jorok abiss. but it's okay lah, i was still in a good smell kok. *wangiii*

trus tacuu ke bintaro deh buat misa. for the stupid morning, i wore black sexy dress, and forgot that i would go to the church, not to the wedding ceremony. tapi tetep pede jayaa! over confident :))
gapapa lah, there's nobody care on it. hehe. i didn't too much care too.

basi banget sih sebenernya nulis blog ini. soalnya blom upload foto. ga asiik. not complete :(

trus sore nya, i went to yayi resto with kkn choir. we had a gala dinner there. super dinner i called. hihi. seruuuu banget deh. kenyang total. but still asleep. turunan buffalo kali nih. hehe :D

enough for share this day ah. bosen. gotcha!


shirley's fingers

my fingers

we were doing own nail art in food court purii. nice acitivity :)

20 December 2009

what the hell of this one ?

benci! banget! ahh! kesel abis! i don't understand about sentences which i read one hour ago. for many times i've told i don't care, but actually I'm too much care with that! sebel banget!
trash! my ex boy friend, as he told he REALLY REALLY LOVES ME, bahkan sampe hampir suicide segala then now already has someone SPECIAL! trash lo! :(
don't think i'm such a jelousy. no i am not! but i shocked with all this. kapan sih gue dapet cowo yang ga brengsek. damn it! ga ada kali ya normally boy in this life for me?!

uh! yeaa, come back to the word GROW, but with what can i grow up if there's too many problems here? GOD, YOU loves me, i know it, but sometimes i can't even understand what you did in to my life for sure.. kecewa banget baca nya. :(
makan deh tuh cinta lo. hahaha. inget, man.. karma berjalan. so, becareful :)


seseorang yang berusaha menjadi orang lain, nggak akan bisa jadi orang tersebut.
meniru nggak akan bisa jadi persis.
second man will never be a first man.
jadi diri sendiri memang nggak mudah,,
tapi akan lebih sulit jika harus memaksakan diri menjadi SESUATU yang sungguh berbeda !
seseorang hidup untuk sebuah tujuan.
Mungkinkah ada yang hidup tanpa tujuan?
Jika ada,
Kesimpulannya adalah orang tersebut tidak pantas hidup,,
Karna dia tidak akan bs bertahan . . .

With ♡ ,,

18 December 2009

dear GOD

Avenged Sevenfold

A Lonely Road
Crossed Another
Cold State Line
Miles away
From those I Love
Purpose hard to Find

While I Recall all the World
i Spoke to me
Can't help but wish that
i Was There
back Where I'd love to be..

oh yeah..

Dear God
The Only think I ask
of you is
to hold her when
i'm not around
When I'm Much
too Far away

We all
Need the person
who Can be
True to you
But I left her when
I found Her
And Now i wish
i'd Stayed

'Cause i'm Lonely
and i'm Tired
i'm Missing You
again Oh No..

Once Again

There's Nothing
Her For Me on
The Barren Road
There's No One
Here While The
City Sleeps
and all the shops
Are closed

Can't Help but
think of the times
i've had With You
Pictures and some
Memories will have
to help me through

Oh Yeah..

Dear God
The Only think I ask
of you is
to hold her when
i'm not around
When I'm Much
too Far away

We all
Need the person
who Can be
True to you
But I left her when
I found Her
And Now i wish
i'd Stayed

'Cause i'm Lonely
and i'm Tired
i'm Missing You
again Oh No..

Once Again

Some Search,
Never Finding away
Before Love They
Waste away
I found You
Something told Me
to stay

I gave in,
to selfish ways
and how i Miss
Some One to Hold
When hope Begins
to Fade

A Lonely Road
Crossed Another
Cold State Line
Miles away
From those I Love
Purpose hard to Find

Dear God
The Only think I ask
of you is
to hold her when
i'm not around
When I'm Much
too Far away

We all
Need the person
who Can be
True to you
But I left her when
I found Her
And Now i wish
i'd Stayed

'Cause i'm Lonely
and i'm Tired
i'm Missing You
again Oh No..

Once Again




beep beep
i get this song from someone that left me. yeah once again i'm so sorry for all. i never meant to hurt you. thanks for this song. i love it much. i love every lyric in every part. i feel so happy when you give it to me. let me know this song. this kinda super song. :)
thanks for giving me fresh loves everyday, every hour, every minute, every second.
thanks for filling my day with smile. even when i am hurt, i stressed, i didn't know how to do, how to work, how to study and when my day fulled of darkness, then i was just cried. you were still here. still by my side.
thank you so much for that. i appreciate em. i love you as my brother and will do no more. i'm sorry (again).
i can understand if now you leave me alone like this. then you don't even send me a message. i understand it. surely understand. i will help you to forget me. and with this blog i just can say thanks for you. thanks for all and so sorry for making you fell in love with wrong girl, like me.
i hope some day you will get someone that for you to be with. it's not me. i'm your sister and always be.
and finally good bye, cause i will move next year, not in here, not with you. and i will never forget you, bro.
i swear it ! :)
take care.




suddenly gue keinget curhatan gue ke TOFU beberapa bulan lalu.

"kalo dia bertindak kya gini, dia akan kehilangan kedua-duanya!"

i remember how angry i was. how sad i felt. all bad feelings happened at that time deh. dan keluarlah kalimat itu mengakhiri smuanya. finished all things i hoped. gila! finally gue lepas dari acil and grow up!

tapi gue lupa, those were many people beside me, i mean many boys beside me which were ready to change acil from my heart. haha. it was not easy, man. then i met him. seseorang yang gue kenalnya ga sengaja. udah lama. yang gue hormatin banget. gue hargain banget. yang gue ngerasa bisa cerita semuanya sama dia. all i felt. all i did. i could shared all!

then i never felt too, he's loving me. he wants me. till this time. oh no. and i knew i would never be with him. cause i love him as my brother; big brother. gue salah banget. udah tau kya gitu gue masih ngasi dia harapan. in fact, i never tried to give some hopes kok, but i couldn't leave him as a trash. gmana pun he filled my day, my bad day. :(

another stupid thing i did, i accepted someone to be my loved. then what i get now? sadness. disappointed story. ga banget yah jalan hidup gue. haha. but i've been ready for this. gue bisa sebutin that bold sentence, tapi tetep aja i did it too. so finally, now i get it too.

gue kehilangan kedua-duanya. someone that i left, and someone that left me. so come back to lonely world. kecewa nya ga ngerti deh sama siapa. but actually i just wanna say sorry for you both. i never meant to hurt you both. really. i just can't prove all you give. please do not love me too much like this. i love you, but not to be my loved. :(

someday both of you will understand why i did all this. i hope so...

it will be 2 choices of surprises ><

i have still less than 12 hours to pray and hope. lebih banyak hope nya sih daripada pray nya kayaknya. but i hope Tuhan nggak bosen dengerin curhatan gue every night bahkan for today will be all night long kali. haha. too much! lebay! tapi yaaa that's the fact. i've so worried. so so so worried. uh! i don't know what i feel kalo rapot gue MERAH. ohoho! amitamit yeeh!

takut banget kalo nilai kimia gue besok will make my day full of bad mood.hiahia. but for sure, gue ga yakin'' banget kalo tu rapot jelek. haha. pede jaya boleh lah. as i know, i always do the best for my score, jadi kalo sampe get bad score, i'll shout to my teacher : "HEYY YOU! YOU GIVE ME WRONG SCORE, DUDE!!" ahahaha. menjelang mid nite, otak gue full full full. full berdoa, full ngarep, full gila! ahahahhahaii ~

it will be 2 choices of surprises. if i get good score, then it will be nice surprise (again) for me. but, if i get bad score, then it will make me SHOCKED! i hope for the first surpriseeeeee! hihihi :DD
God, i know you hear me. i'm here GOD, here here over here!! :))

17 December 2009

see this little girl!

she is not perfect,
but always wanna be perfect as she could.
who's her name?

damn it!
it's me

i am glad or happy or whatever everyone's talking of. but in fact, yes i'm happy. TOO MUCH! hoho. :D
finally i get all i want. started from was having a blackberry, all branded bags, branded shoes, with much own money on my pocket always, being a teacher, being a carrier girls, being a medium sisters [yeah, it's better than my sisters always call me "adik kecil" but in fact, i'm not "kecil" anymore], and now being an extraordinary lady! :)

this morning i got two surprises, and i was shocked by em. first thing first, i accepted and passed to be one of students on PARAHYANGAN's UNIVERSITY of BANDUNG. go on with my future there : Chemistry Engineering in faculty of TECHNIQUE. yes i'll do my best there :)
then second one, i won my design competition with clarissa anastasia [loves you much darlaa :)]. it's BIG HAPPINESS ! THANKS GOD, I DO LOVE YOU MUCH MORE (:

but, there are many kind of things that i must to face. lost in bandung, far away from my parents that people i can depend on, from my siblings, grandparents, cousins, and friends. i'll be alone. can i survive to be just ordinary girl there? I don't think so. I scared to think about it.
i don't even imagine how it feels, when i arrive home then nobody there, just me. nobody's heard what i'm sayin', what i'm talkin', all i feel, all i did. there's nobody. once again, i'm alone.

some say, it doesn't take too long if i'm starting gotta new friend, new soul, new life there. i'll be new me. but, i still be mine, still be them. and their prays will always protect me. i trust em. i believe my GOD. cause every part in my life is HIM, my LORD, my SAVIOUR, my everything!

see what i ever wrote?! i'm not a child anymore. i'm a young lady that ready to face this real life in me. all in me. every choices just have to be mine. and i choose to go out from home and take my future in bandung. so sorry mom, i know you've worried since i took this scholarship, but you see now i'm passed it, i get it and will not leave it. if i go there, i'll make all the best for you, all FOR YOU. cause what? cause i love you do much more every seconds, every minutes, every hours, everydays, every weeks, every years, and every beats of my heart. still once again, i love you :)

hugs and kisses,



16 December 2009

my brother does

i can't believe what i heard this morning. yaya, sebenernyasih uda denger from last nite before slept, and mungkin gue uda ngantuk banget sampe ga nyadar. then now i'm shocked ! hua. ternyata my brother, yang emang sih selama ini lg suka banget sama temen greja nya, uda nembak tu cewe secara langsung. yeah face to face! wooo!

dan ternyata dia ga tau ditrima apa nggak, but he's desperated. dan gue kasian banget liatnya. he sang so many desperated songs this morning. yeayea. gue tau tu cewe emang his first love. pertama kalinya dia ngerasain yang namanya falling in love. yucks!
gue cuma takut aja sih kalo dia bakalan jadi down banget kalo he got failed with that girl. amit" !

but he does what i want. setidaknya dia nggak kya boys around me, yang kalo ditolak ujung''nya jadi annoying abis. seenggaknya dd gue stay cool aja nunggu jawabannya. amin deh mudah''an jawabannya memuaskan. :)

amen amen!

15 December 2009

for you my best friend

thinking about my close friend and her life's stories. hey my friend, you are not such as f*ckin b*tch, never! you are my best. our best. you are not a trash, not because you are not loved, but because you are sure not a trash! we love your smile and hate much your tears. we miss your big laugh,big smile and big eyes. what we get now is not you, not your soul. we don't know who you are. as we knoe you are cheerful. not a poor miss daisy. we have lost your nice eyes, when you started to cry. oh please. we can't see and hear you like this. we love you. just loving who you are even you always say you are useless for many times. we still love you. you are our best friend. we do. all you need is love, and we can give it. when i heard your voice note, i mean your sadness, you were cried, like you couldn't get up from all those things which too hard to face, i cried too. why? because i couldn't hear you cried. cry with me and share it. share your feel and make me feel it too. so i can share my smile for you too. it's fair cause we are best friend, right? :)

cheer up honey :)

in this poor life, we must be rich. yeah, itu kodrat seseorang like how to survive if you are alone on this crazy life. as i've searched. then i never get the answers.
pusing banget kalo mikirin yang namanya hidup. like we're going to suicide and died. huaah!

honestly, i'm tired with my life. why? it's not because my parents, cause i have the best parents ever. or let's say for family, no it's not because of my family, my family is my best! you know what it's because problems!

many kind of problems. terpaksa harus dihadapi, ga bisa gue coret gitu aja kya nyoret kertas. ga bisa didiemin gitu aja karna ga akan pernah ilang. we must to solve it, and that is sucks thing! how can i solve my problem if when i haven't finish for one thing, then i get another thing to solve?! gue manusia. that's all. gue cuma punya tangan dua kaki dua dan satu otak untuk berpikir. yeah. one brain. itu pun some day i feel like an idiot. ga punya otak buat mikir.

give up banget sama smua hal yang terjadi bertubi-tubi. yang kayanya walaupun there's something's called happiness, cuma sekedar hiburan sesaat aja, kya perkenalan, bahwa setidaknya gue masih punya secercah kebahagiaan. hooo. gue ga butuh kepalsuan.

so, what i have to do is just grow up. grow grow grow ! and face it all things with smile. and hope that smile will not make me looked like crazy one.

am i wrong if i do not love you ?

all memories, all we have, all we done, those were some stories which have closed by us.
all tears, all smiles, all laughs, all all and all that we've done. i know it was so hard to you to prove, but you must and you have to. please do not make em difficult! grown up and see, we are not together as a couple but we can be a good friend !

thanks for all those stuffs, i'll save it ! i promise ! gue slalu nyesel karna for the second times i gave you chance to be mine, you still can't be mine. oh no! gue nggak tau kenapa bgini, sometimes i'm going crazy sama semua keputusan yang gue buat. poor me! yea, gue pecundang. so now let's be fair!

gue selalu pengen bikin lo seneng as you made me laugh everyday, tapi gue bingung gimana caranya, cause all you want is just be with me, and once again gue nggak bisa sama lo. so, what else can i do for you? gue juga pengen ngasi sesuatu buat lo, sesuatu yang lebih dari sekedar a bucket of handmade flowers or more than one sweet t-shirt. i'm sure i wanna do. but with what?

gue tau yang di pikiran lo adalah hal-hal negatif dari seorang jessii, then you always say "pasti ini semua karna acil". you got wrong ! heyy come on, gue sama acil udah lewat, past time, past relation, gue cuma deket as a friend, as a classmate. and nothing can change it. never meant to come back with acil and go hurt you. never!

sometimes pengen banget jelasin semuanya ke lo, started from when i lost my feelings for you. if you read this, i'll be so happy. you know why i left you, its because you were too perfect.
lo yang terlalu sabar, terlalu baik, terlalu mencintai gue. and i can't be loved that much. even lo adalah orang yang bisa bikin gue nangis just for a month, menyakiti gue dengan sangat parah, make my day full of tears, but you were good. you were still perfect!

gue masih inget how you protected me from those things which i loved to. you hurt me, made me broke. but i tried to stand up and give you one more chance to be mine. just mine. tapi tetep aja rasa sakit itu mengganggu gue, nggak bisa bikin gue feel comfort sama lo as the first time we've started. ga bisa.

so, am i wrong if i do not love you?

for all those things, just sorry ..

little girl and always be :(

everybody calls me a girl, but in fact, can't you see that i'm seventeen years old already? huh?! sometimes it really sucks when i know i never prove to be a real lady or woman or whatever that calls but damn it i'm not a girl anymore.
i'm still my parents little girl, even i'm the first daughter, the older, and big sister for all my siblings, everybody still calls me a girl!
why why why and why? is there something wrong to me that make all people can't allow me to grow up?


i wanna be what i'm going to be. i wanna be what i've thought i can be. i wanna be ME, just it. is it hard to prove? i want my self's grown up by me. just me. ain't no others even my mommy. i wanna be my own self. i can't choose all best things or bad things. i can protect my life as well as my parents have done IF I GOT A CHANCE TO SHOW IT !
because i'm a good lady, not such a liar b*tch. i know how to bring out my self to have good public relations. i'm not STUPID. that's all.


  • someone that you never know what she wants (indeed)
  • someone that you can't understand what she feels

just one think that you surely may know or can understand ;

she always wanna be perfect as she could !


14 December 2009


aaaaaaaa! i'm so in love with this kinda cute boy.. :)

his name is JOSE GUNAWAN, kak onad's cute boy ever ! gila gila gilaaa! lucunyaa ga nahan :)

aaaaaaaa, i'm on editing some photos of him. there's no bored when i'm editing his photos. again again and again to give some effects. haha. padahal ga usah di edit juga uda lucuuu. hihihi. pengen minta new baby from mommy kyanya impossible thing siih, jadi menikmati kelucuannya baby orang lain aja deh,. [maaf ya kak onad :D]

aaaaaaaaa, jossssssssssshhh! i'm so in love with youuuu :)